Failed Kale (What a Difference a Minute Makes)

photo courtesy of worldcommunitycookbook.com

Dear Mouse,


I learned something. I couldn't decide how to sum it up, so here's 5 versions:

It's the little things. In cooking just as much if not more as anything else.

It is possible to ruin kale.

It is possible to ruin a tested, well-received, simple!! recipe by missing one tiny important step.

God is in the details.

The harder you try to be impressive with your dinner the more likely it is you will fall on your face.

But now wait a minute, actually, in my defense: This was NOT a trying-hard dinner. I know better than that! I wasn't going to bone a duck or make tapenade. The Date was coming over, and I was going for graceful, effortless, 'so-what-if-my-kitchen-must-be-viewed-through-a-microscope' sexiness. No stress. I chose a very very easy and tasty menu: Pasta Puttanesca (as endorsed in your Valentines post), and the Kale with Bacon and Vinegar that everybody loved at Fall Equinox. (Duh - it has BACON and VINEGAR). Fast, simple, AND impressive, right? FYI I based my version of 'Whore's Pasta' on the Amateur Gourmet's version ... though I just couldn't do the 8 cloves of garlic!!! (Sorry Adam!) and stopped at 5, as The Date's eyes were already bugging out at the pile on the cutting board.

The Kale is a breeze - into the boiling water for 5, into the pan with the fried-up bacon for 10, into a bowl, splash with vinegar, serve. I was way more focused on the Pasta of Ill Repute, having never made it before. And while flitting around trying to appear gorgeous and not sweaty, I blithely splashed the vinegar into the saute pan during phase 2. As in, I cooked with it, instead of finishing with it. But so what, big deal.

The Puttanesca - salty, savory, garlicky, sour - was a big hit. "This is great", the Date (who had claimed to hate anchovies) enthused, piling on the grated parmesan White American Man-style.

The kale, however, got this response:

"Tastes kinda weird."

And, Mouse, it did. Oh, my bruised FoodBlogger Ego. It was, like, musty, or kind of fruit-gone-bad. No denying it. And I was all, "but it has BACON and VINEGAR..." I couldn't figure it out. I'd made it before!

There was but one thing to do. Go upstairs, visit The Neighbors, and eat most of their cake. And, while there, learn a few things. Firstly, that Puttanesca was the first thing that Mrs. Neighbor had ever cooked for Mr. Neighbor, and secondly, that she had also screwed up a perfectly good vegetable recipe by doing guess what: putting the vinegar into the pan while cooking instead of using it to finish the dish. She likened the taste to a bottle of wine that had turned. Yep.

I tested out this theory a couple of days later with a whole new bunch of kale and I have to say it holds up. Delicious once again, bacon and all. photo courtesy myrecipes.com and Boo's laziness

So, while most of my posts are of the "Just get in there! Make it up!" variety, the moral of this one is: Attention Must Be Paid. Stick to the G-D recipe and stop worrying about your waterproof mascara.

Love,

The Boo

A Fast and Dirty Valentines

Dear Boo,

A quick post-Valentine's missive to tell you about my yummy dinner last night to file away for any time you need a fast and charmingly sexy meal, and to encourage any lurking readers to come see you play tonight at Joe's Pub! I will be there, digesting my meal and rocking out.

So, here we go:

The Boyfriend was awake at 5:30am to shoot a short film all day yesterday, so we knew it would be a long and tiring Valentine's, and not one that would make either of us too excited about braving the crowds and inflated prices for dinner out. (Incidentally, I ended up shooting a part in the film as well. Nothing makes it feel like Valentine's more than playing a desperate, sex-obsessed housewife intent on making The Boyfriend my cabana boy, if you know what I mean.) So, dinner in was the plan, and we set out to shop. Apparently this is where the crowds were, after all, as Amy's Bread in Chelsea Market was out of bread--gasp!--and the line for lobsters at the Lobster Place wound around the store like an overfed eel. But we made it back home and I set to work, accompanied by the Ray Charles album from the Boyfriend and his cute singing card.

The Menu: Fast and Dirty. Quick recipes, two out of three eaten with our hands. What's sexier than that?

Stuffed Artichokes: I Love love love artichokes, but never tried making them. It took some prep, but definitely nothing to be scared of. The Boyfriend loved it--I thought it was a little too much breading and would go with a traditional artichoke vinaigrette next time--when you tear through the petals and get to that heart, Nothing is so sweet. Metaphor, anyone?

(sorry, my camera died and this is the only shot I got of these....)

Mussels: From the Barefoot Contessa in Paris book, another quick, sexy, and elegant course that we could eat with our hands right from the pot. Kind of like when you share a popcorn bucket at the movies on your first date and your fingers keep meeting and you end up holding hands amidst the salty kernels. Actually, not like that at all. That would be gross. We had to stop ourselves from eating too much broth-soaked bread, as there was more to come...


Pasta Puttanesca: "Whore's" Pasta, named supposedly for the Ladies of the night who used to make this for their clients from whatever ingredients were already in the pantry. Or so they say. I say it's quick (natch), and the sauce is making me salivate to think of now. Briny with capers and olives, salty and a little fishy from the anchovies, garlicky from the... garlic. We had mini portions which we even debated eating at all since we were so full (and tired) at this point.


As a result, we skipped dessert which was store bought anyway--I know, I know. It was a long day.

(Some quick dessert ideas: Vanilla ice cream with a shot of espresso poured over, sliced figs with ricotta, honey, and chopped walnuts, root beer floats, roasted pear halves drizzled with cream)

Can't wait to hear you play tonight!

Leftovers and Love,

The Mouse