On Choosing the Menu

Dear Boo,

I just got an email informing me that this is possibly my last chance to order those personalized napkins I absolutely MUST have. YES! I thought, That's exactly what I need! Here you go, loved ones, please wipe your faces and clean your fingernails on the names of me and my betrothed!
I am officially over the wedding industry.

(And have officially been driven slightly insane by it.)

Episode #1:
Everyone's favorite bride sits on the couch, sobbing, midst meltdown over some decision that had to be made yesterday. The Fiance, a pillar of patience, strokes her hand and coos, "It's fine. We don't have to decide. We just won't have a ceremony." More crying.

Episode #2 (a short play):
The Mouse and The Fiance are leaving a visit to a jewelry store at which they have just found out that they can add ring shopping to the list of things "You really should have started months ago."

Fiance: So if they tell us it might take 4 weeks, and then it's not ready by the time our wedding day comes around, what are we going to do? Are you going to be okay with a place-holder ring?

Mouse: (striding energetically/crazily down the block) Well, if they say 4 weeks and something happens on their end and its not ready, then it's their problem and they better find a way to FIX IT and get it to us before our WEDDING DAY.

(silence)

Fiance: I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to start a fight between you and our IMAGINARY JEWELER.

(and, scene.)

Episode #3:
The Blushing Bride and her Groom sit, oh, anywhere. On the couch. In bed. At a table in a restaurant. On the subway. Talking about the latest in a string of decisions that MUST be made or else.

Fiance: So what do you want to do about _______?

The Mouse: I don't know.

Change locale. Repeat an infinite number of times.

I recently said to the Fiance that I felt my decision-making muscle was exhausted and unable to function at its full capacity anymore. Never a great one for making choices to begin with, the near-daily workout of being faced with utterly absurd and unnecessary decisions like choosing between this linen and that one, this non-stick skillet or that one (pick this one--America's Test Kitchen does), to veil or not to veil, what friggin song best represents us as a couple, and are we really missing out by not getting our invitations hand-cancelled at the post office (NO, and who has ever heard of such a thing?), my capacity for differentiating between choices and making a decision based on sound information and good judgment, is severely impaired.

Turns out the science world has my back on this one. In this New York Times article, they discuss Decision Fatigue as a very real thing with very real, sometimes devastating consequences (judges who hear multiple cases in a day are more likely to deny parole to those later in the day, and this phenomenon takes a particular toll on the poor, who are constantly being depleted by the continual trade-offs and sacrifices of poverty). It goes on to explain how, like will power, our capacity to weigh options and make decisions can get maxed out if we're calling upon it too often. That dieting phenomenon of waking up with the best intentions for eating well, sitting down to a breakfast of grapfruit and egg whites, and then pigging out at 9pm on nachos and beer, is actually that the will power muscle, the power to make a decision based on long vision and practicality, is just plain worn out after a day of work. AND, the article specifically talks about the process of wedding planning as a virtual marathon for this part of the psyche--the article actually calls it "The decision fatigue equivalent of Hell Week"! I couldn't agree more. This also sort of hit upon the irony of the "wedding diet" I keep talking about starting. If I'm totally depleted in the decision-making department, and have virtually no judgment or good sense left by the end of a day of phone calls with vendors, isn't the deck sort of stacked against me getting my butt to bikini bootcamp and forgoing alcohol and chips for steamed kale? The answer is yes.

Which brings me to our next set of decisions: The Menu.

As a food person (and writer of a food blog!), our food was pretty high on my list of priorities. Not to mention, after the dress, it's pretty much the first thing anyone who knows me asks about. As in, "I can't wait to hear about the menu! It must be amazing, since you're such a foodie!" So I sat down to look at hors d'eouvres options with some trepidation. Should we go with the Anise Scented Duck and Foie Gras Empanadas? Or the Smoked Duck and Scallion Crepe Roulade? Too fussy? Overdone? Not US? And how does one determine if one preparation of duck or another best REPRESENTS US AS A COUPLE?

And then it hit me. When I woke up this morning--the best time to make decisions, according to the article--I thought about this whole to-do, these months of 'this or that', 'for a small upgrade you can get this' and 'well if we invite HIM then we have to invite HER'. And I realized that the hardest decision of all--or I should say, the most significant one--has already been made. I picked him, and low and behold! he picked me. The rest, if you ask me, decision fatigue and all, is small potatoes. Fried or mashed--don't ask me--they both sound great.

And so I sat down with our long list of menu choices and asked, do I want people to leave this wedding saying, "Wow. That food was INCREDIBLE, and INVENTIVE and ORIGINAL!"?

Or do I want them to leave saying, "Wow. Those two people sure do love each other."

And it turns out that decision wasn't so hard after all.

Love,

The Mouse

P.S. I can't include a recipe here because I appear to be unable to tackle the myriad tiny decisions that go into making dinner, and so I've been doing a lot of ordering in. So tell me, what are you making for dinner tonight? I'll just have what you're having. (seriously. please respond in comments below.)

Taking a Mulligan on May.

Dear Boo,

Oh, May! Where did you go? Already the 31st and only two posts to show for it. For shame. But to be fair, you haven't exactly been a kind muse these past few weeks, what with the day after day of pouring rain followed by a sudden and scorching entrance by Summer, the advent of unemployment (read: the state of being, not the weekly check in the mail) and return of summer classes, and the arrival today of a nasty sore throat and itchy ears. But then, perhaps I've neglected you a bit.* I certainly didn't take advantage of your abundance of fresh first picked asparagus shoots at the market, or those tiny precious boxes of strawberries that began appearing on farmstand tables. I admit I share the blame.

On June 30th, I have my first dress fitting for the wedding (I know, I know, I said I wouldn't keep talking about it), and so I decided long ago that my wedding diet would begin June 1st in preparation. So this weekend, I went out with a bang before the ascetic lifestyle was to begin, I thought, on Tuesday. After our Memorial Day picnic of bread, cheese, grapes, blueberries, cheese, salad, cheese, rice chips, wine cake (more on this later) and vodka lemonade yesterday at the Brooklyn Bridge Park, I went home and proceeded to order a bucket of fried chicken with the Fiance. It was, of course, delicious. Lying in bed this morning, as I contemplated what a monk might eat for breakfast, I found myself reciting aloud, "Thirty days hath September, April, June, and November. All the rest have 31...." And then I realized. My diet doesn't start til tomorrow! Bonus. So, how am I spending this precious extra day? As we speak, I am eating a bag of skittles while a pot of cabbage soup simmers on the stove. Less than thrilling stuff over here in this gastronomic corner of the world. Also, I just realized I don't believe in diets. And so, my apologies to you, May, for neglecting you so. On to June, in which I vow to eat better, write more, and do more of this:

Love,

The Mouse

*Okay, so there was the whole graduating thing, and that lovely wedding we went to upstate, and our super-exciting brush with fame, but still....

Subliminal Weight-Loss Tapes (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Chocolate Croissants)

Dear Mouse,

Remember Lloyd Glauberman?

Of course you do.

In our house, there were many surprising traditions (speaking of xmas!). But two things will always stand out to me as Hart Household Staples: Diet Foods (Sugar-Free Mini-Muffin, anyone?) and Meditation Tapes.

Yes, our family believed in the power of deep breathing and visualization to treat everything from insomnia to Thanksgiving traffic. My favorite of these tapes were the mysterious Dr. Glauberman's. With names like "Excellence" and "Mind-Body Connections - Feeling Better", they featured a 'Hypno-Peripheral Processing' technique in which LG's voice would appear in stereo; telling one story in one ear of your walkman's headphones, and an entirely different story in the other. While sort of space-y New Age music played, I would drift off into a 'twilight state' leading, eventually, to sleep, or to a general well-being. I loved them.

Of course, we had other favorites. I liked Shakti Gawain's recording of her 'Creative Visualization' Meditations, featuring the Pink Bubble Visualization and others. And while in college, at home one fateful day, I discovered a random hypnosis tape entitled "Weight Loss". Mired as I was in collegiate angst and the effects of the Freshman Thirty or whatever it was, I jumped at the chance to think some more about my favorite subject at the time: calories, and how to burn them. (I am glad to say this stage is over). I tried it.

It was similar to a lot of other tapes. It asked you to visualize something you really wanted to achieve and focus on that. (Oh, while looking great). The package explained that 'certain threshold statements' were also being played at certain points in the tape, but you coudn't consciously hear them. I just hoped they weren't, like, "Fatty", or "Eat Mallomars", and pushed play.

Now I can't remember whose tape this was, or anything about it, except that ... it worked. Not in any big dramatic way. I didn't become suddenly rail-thin, or replace eating with aerobics. But I did, miraculously, notice that I would look at certain foods and think a completely new thought, "Do I really want that right now?" If the answer was no, and it often was, I would think another completely new thought, "Well, then why would I eat that? I'm trying to stay healthy/lose weight", and go on to do something else. And sometimes that was aerobics!

I wound up thinking less about food. And also being more aware of it.

Thinking less.
Experiencing more.

I asked that the tape be sent to me while I was in Ireland as an exchange student, but when I got it, I found our father had accidentally recorded over it with himself talking on the phone. Not as effective. And that was it for my subliminal life for a long while.

OK, so fast forward to last week. I have a really demanding role coming up in two months, and by that I mean it contains a scene in which I am going to have to appear onstage wearing, say, a sheet. In front of, oh, potentially most of the American Theatre. And while this is certainly exciting, it also calls for help.

Help that only one person can give.

It turns out that Dr. Lloyd Glauberman is not only still going strong, he is updated for the digital age, with CDs AND downloads for sale.

... AND he also has a new recording: "Hypno-Peripheral Processing - Weight Loss".

I figured, "It can't hurt", and I ordered it, already hearing you laughing at me. (I understand). It's pretty much what I remember - the soothing, spacey sounds, the dual doctor voices, instant twilight, no memory of what he said upon 'waking', good falling-asleep experience. I noticed some changes immediately - namely, a general sense of well-being and an increased mindfulness. An awareness of my own appetite, and the instinct to choose veggies and protein frequently. But perhaps most importantly, several days in, there was this.

No, this is not a diet croissant.

I know what you're thinking, because it's exactly what I thought, when I woke up on day 7 or so with only one thought on my mind. I had to have breakfast, and it had to be this: a warmed-up, flaky, melty, chocolate croissant. My mind protested for a moment -- "You NEVER eat these! What kind of weight-loss tape makes you crave croissants? You're just going to ruin everything". But somehow, a different voice was stronger. I went downstairs, picked up coffee, the paper, and a chocolate croissant from Le Pain Quotidien. I went back home, popped it in the oven at 250F, waited about 9 minutes.I brought back the now-gloriously puffed up and warm specimen to the table and prepared to assume the traditional furtive, "I shouldn't be doing this", croissant-eating
posture--

-- and it didn't happen. I sat up straight and calmly took a bite.

And - these experiences are always so hard to really explain after the fact - but I have to tell you I finished that croissant with only ONE thought on my mind, which roughly translates to "MMMMMMMMM!" There was absolutely, positively, no guilt, no bargaining, no Fat Thoughts AT ALL.

Happy Holidays, Dr. Glauberman! Thank you for the reminder that maybe, just possibly, one of the ingredients of a healthy bodymind is (gasp!) sincere mindful enjoyment of the Food it eats.

And though out of habit, post-croissant, I may fleetingly have thought, "well, now the day's lost'....

... it wasn't. What did I have for lunch?
(Without, I SWEAR, thinking about it and certainly not as punishment?)

A bowl of sauteed collard greens.

They were delicious too.

Love,

The Boo